Carver (Beginners, 5-6):
Herb looked at Laura. It was as if he couldn’t place her for a minute. She kept looking at him, holding her smile. Her cheeks were flushed and the sun was hitting her in the eyes, so she squinted to see him. His features relaxed. “Love you, too, Laura. And you, Nick. I’ll tell you, you’re our pals,” Herb said. He picked up his glass. “Well, what was I saying? Yeah. I wanted to tell you about something that happened a while back. I think I wanted to prove a point, and I will if I can just tell this thing the way it happened. This happened a few months ago, but it’s still going on right now. You might say that, yeah. But it ought to make us all feel ashamed when we talk like we know what we were talking about, when we talk about love.”
Lish (What We Talk About When We Talk About Love, 5):
Mel looked at Laura. He looked at her as if he could not place her, as if she was not the woman she was.
“Love you, too, Laura, Mel said. “And you, Nick, love you too. You know something?” Mel said. “You guys are our pals,” Mel said.
He picked up his glass.
Mel said, “I was going to tell you about something. I mean, I was going to prove a point. You see, this happened a few months ago, but it’s still going on right now, and it ought to make us feel ashamed when we talk like we know what we we’re talking about when we talk about love.”
Discussion (Please respond in the comments section of the Home Page)
What struck you as you read and heard the two different versions of text? How are edits related to structural issues like paragraphing different from the other editorial moves that Lish makes?
